Epiphany (Not Really)

There are a few things that i planned to blog about but i keep forgetting. It was never a habit of me to write down the things that i wanna blog about because, well, i like to be spontaneous. But i realize that we cannot be that all the time. Somethings need planning, need time to work on it, need time to practice. Spontaneously will only bring a fair outcome, well, to me, i don't know about you guys. I used to think that i do not need to go through my points during a presentation when i was in diploma, i felt that since i can speak, why can't i do it during a presentation? I ended up looking for words to say, pausing, ummm-ing all the time.

This does not only apply to speaking, but also decisions, actions, work, all sorts, but i think girls like guys to be spontaneous. It surprises them when guys do something out of the box, something they would not usually do.

I watched Yes Man yesterday. It was a good movie, i would say. After finishing the movie, i sort of think to myself. Am i shutting myself from the real world? Everybody has a group of friends they really trust and would do anything for them, do i have that group of friends? When opportunity comes, i don't have the confident to say yes.

I remember there was once i was asked by a fellow course mate to help out in a event for our school. Become the Emcee for the event to be exact. I thought to myself, i would not have the confident to stand up on a stage facing a crowd and speak. So i decided not to. When i come to rethink that decision, it was a stupid decision to say no. It's a opportunity for me to step up, no harm done. I think i'm not really a risk taker. I am scared of what will happen if i fail. I only do things that i'm confident i can achieve them.

And there were a few times where my classmates asked me out, i refused because i felt akward. Honestly guys, no offence, i thought that i was the "wierd" one in class. I could not get into the circle. So i decided to box myself up and stay in my comfort zone.

Sometimes i think that people think that i have everything, great life, good friends, good results, but i do not. It's not a bed of roses for me. I'm just like every single soul out there.

All these things that i have done, was because i did not have the courage to actually try something new. I did not say YES because i'm afraid of the outcome. There was once i thought that i actually overcomed the phase. But i realize that, psychologicaly, we who are afraid tend to shove ourselves back in to our comfort zone, telling ourselves everything is alright. A naturalist, doing nothing about whatever that happens.

Looking at myself, i would say that i do not have really good friends. Just good friends, not the ones that would stand by you no matter what happens. It's rare to have friends that will be by your side because i feel in this era, people are all egoistic, fighting for themselves, fighting for survival. My life ain't that sweet either, but there are people that are worst than me out there, i shall not compliant. There are times when i had good friends, really good friends, but i let them slipped away, didn't bother to make contact, catch up, all just talk no action. Slowly they just forget, forget that you ever existed. Because you did not bother to keep in touch. Yes i believed that happened. It is also that all of us has just walked our own path, meet new people, new life, new environment, the old one just got replaced.

One thing i really hate is that people have this thought that since i have a girlfriend, i don't really need my friends anymore. I would ask, " Why didn't you ask me out??", " You got girlfriend what...". I hate that. Doesn't mean that i have a girlfriend i don't wanna hang out with my friends. I have time for both my girlfriend and my friends. I hate that when people have that idea about me.

I think i need to start to live the life, grab the opportunities, take risks. Say Yes to more things. You never know what you would get when you say Yes.

Lessons from playing poker. There are always up's and down's in life. But if you dare to take the risk, it might just pay off.

*P/s, picking up advice from movies is never a good idea. Please do not try anything silly*

Until then.

*O Ya. I'm back in Penang. Going back to KL on Saturday. Industrial Training starts next week. Anxious but excited.*