Being on top.

I'm having insomnia, that's the reason i'm blogging at this time in the morning. I will be having a Skill Based Assessment at 9AM later, i'm so gonna be in trouble.

The reason for this entry is about me and my studies. I was not a smart kid, never was. I would say i'm average. My grades were quite good during primary, but when i got to Standard 3, i just started to be not that good, i dropped to the second class, constantly playing a fool. I scored 4As 2B in my UPSR. As i moved on to secondary, i was even worst. I flunk papers, score some, got 4As 3Bs in my PMR. I'm still consider as average, always in the top 200 in school out of 400 students. For my SPM, i only manage to score 2As with a bunch of B,C and D.

Come to think of it, i am just an average student, i'm not a genius like some of the fellas in my school, scoring As for every single paper they get on their hands. I never thought that i would be that good. Never even crossed my mind. I'm just average. But i believe in hardwork. If you put effort, you will definitely gain results. The results you get will be the same as the amount of effort you put in.

Moving on to College. I did pretty well for my diploma. Scoring 3.704 for my CGPA. I would say that i am surprise that i'd do that well. Maybe it's because that i actually am interested in what i was studying. People start to think that i'm one of the smart ones, the one on top. Honestly, i never really regard myself as that. When people tell me that "You sure straight As la" or "You scared what? Always score so high" and the best "You won't know whats the failing grade cause you have never been near there at all". Well, i really did not know about the failing grade. I actually gain something from that, i became more confident. I even earned myself a scholarship for my Advance Diploma course which i would never expected myself to get. But i believe some regarded me as a selfish fella that would not share my work. I am actually surprise that people that are better than me will think that i'm actually really good. It just feels not right. I remember a classmate once said that he thinks that i'm smart and wished he has good grades like me. To think about it that the fact is he was as good as i am and he did better actually in the previous finals. I just find it funny that people think that i'm actually smart!

I'm not that smart seriously, i'm only average. Maybe i get good grades because i put in extra effort. But thoughout all this times, i tend to surprise myself. Last semester results, i got 2As,2Bs and a C+. I was shocked that i got a C+ because it's been a while i scored a C. This actually pulls me back to reality. The fact that sometimes i think that i'm already good enough, is not true. My lucky streak ends here. It shows that, i am slacking and i'm not putting enough effort. Other students are scoring straight A's. I find it embarassing to get a C. But then i shouldn't, because this is what i get for the effort i put in.

I always thought i was lucky, scoring good grades was luck. I don't know why i think like that but maybe it's because i'm not confident. Now i'm not on top, i'm just average. Always have been. What i need to do is to put more effort to turn average into good.

This is reality, this is what i need, this shows that i'm not perfect, there are going to be ups and downs. I'm not like those people that score every single paper. I know i'm not, i know my ability. I have not the brains of smart people. But maybe, a little effort can change average to good. Reality sucks, but i would have to pull through. I tell myself, a C+ was not what you expected, so work hard the next time.

It's wierd, looking back at the past, and looking at the present. What have i become, the things that i've done. The difference between me 10 years ago and now. Still,i wanna be on top, and that's for sure.

Looks like i just completed paragraphs of gliberish.

I got 2 hours of sleep before i get up at 7am for revision.

Until then.