Awkwardness

Sometimes, i wonder how people with big social ties manage their social life. Especially friends. I find myself at times getting very attached to friends, no i don't mean clingy, i tend to care to much. How they think about me, how they treat me, how i treat them, when they are in need of help, i would lend a hand.


For me, it always comes to a point where i start to be afraid to care, because, i care to much at times that it inserts a gap between the friendship. I used to be very sensitive, like even normal friends i would treat them like family, and them i would try to insert my evil thoughts in to them, controlling them to become mindless zombies that would be only MY friend.

Yes, i was like that, well, not the insert evil thoughts part but i would tend to get jealous at times, especially people close to me get closer with other people, especially people i know, i felt betrayed, somehow like, you took away my friend, while you are my friend, you friend snatcher !

I felt that way before, and i could not control myself, it was like i had too much of soya milk. Makes me feel all girly. But it hurts so much, when you know you gone too far, and from that moment onwards, the friendship we shared will never be the same again.

If i said i've changed now, i believe i have. I've become not so involved in other people's life, i tend to not ask too much, because you lead your own life though at times i'm still a little nosy. Thus, i have a lot of hi-bye friends too.

My friend, i have always wanted to be included in your circle but now, i'm outside your circle, observing you and your friends in the circle, only to be invited in when asked. It's awkward, to feel this way, when we used to be close before, sharing everything with each other.

We live a different life now, our own to manage, though i'm glad we still talk and have a lil time to spare for each other.

If i would have a chance to turn back time, i would. It was better in the past.

or is this just because we've outgrown each other.

Cheers, my friend.