Can't sleep, i have dreams, of becoming a well known person, able to support my family, able to drive nice cars, able to migrate out of here, long term dreams. Short term dreams? Usually realistic ones, as reality keeps hitting me on my back. Well. Dreams..
Geek From Mars has been off for quite a while. The geek got lazy and decided to put off this blog for a while but now, he just can not cope with reality so he's back here.
Reality sucks. I've been alright for the past few weeks. It's now the end of 5th week into the 6th semester of my diploma year. How faster can time flow. I've been as lazy as ever. Out of touch as always. I am having this really I'm-Lazy-And-I-Don't-Want-To-Study feeling. College is as suffering as days pass. It's no more like a college, it's freaking back to secondary school where you have like so much work to do, attendance to lecture is compulsory, classes at 8 in the morning, i know i'm whining about necessary stuffs that i'm suppose to do. Imagine how worse would it be when i'm working.
I'm getting distracted easily, feeling pressure by the environment, i think my mentality is playing tricks on me, at home, in college, i just feel i can not fit in, there's like so much flaw in everyone, i'm judging i know. I'm flawed, very, i've been very sensitive to people's judgment and views lately. Sometimes i just get left behind. I'm already out here, living without my family, of course i need friends, but sometimes it hurts so much when friends you know and trust abandon you.
I've learnt to cope with that, just put aside the anger and frustration and smile. Get emo a little, but, just be patient.
The future, it's so near, in just a few more months, i would be graduating from diploma, continue my studies somewhere, or no where ? I've got fairly good grades for last semester, all A's, but accumulate only 3.66 for my CGPA. That's actually out of my expectation, i did not expect myself to perform that well, and here comes the part, where i have to continue striving this semester for good grades so that i can have scholarship for my next level of studies. The pressure is piling up and at times i just want to give up, i'm tired, i don't know why, there's no more a goal, to motivate me. I know there is, but i don't see it, i just don't.
What is the purpose of my life, i don't want to go in to this, but people do ask themselves this question, when they are lost, and don't know what to do.
Other than that, everythings cool. As i said a few months ago i'm assembling a new PC, here it is! No picts because connection sucky..Damn it.
With this baby, i'm just hooked to it all day and night. I just finish playing bioshock. Next would be Hellgate:London. And i have a new addiction, i used to swear that i would never play that game ever, but since WTF modes, ap modes and now ar modes, i'm officially into DOTA. Damn it, it's just so fun. Nothing more to say.
And i sold of my Ipod, getting myself a PSP Slim & Lite. Ice Silver. Will post picts when i get it. No body seems to like silver, don't know why, maybe it's because silver is dull kut.
AS i'm typing, the connection for some reason is so freaking slow. Geram nyer.
Guess i'll continue tomorrow, this would be my first post since last semester break.
signing out.
