A Post To My Dear Friend

You know what, i had enough. I had been patience with you, took every word you said, swallowed them and not complaining, i've given in to you, your fucking attitude, even though i did complain but i've never not treat you as a friend. I've done my best to make everyone happy, but i know i can't. For all those shit you have given me, for all these years, priceless.

Thanks For Everything.

What's Real and What's Not..

I've been reading.

Today's dating scene are all about short-term relationships. Nothing seems to last anymore.

It's funny how people fall in love so fast. I've been through that before too. It never lasted.

Are we ready for commitment ? I just read on the papers that a 16 year old boy who's in love with a 17 year old girl. and he wants to MARRY her already. He even promised to love her forever.

That's just bullshit.

Time is something elastic, for one moment everything may seem so perfect, she maybe THE ONE for you, and the next moment, everything falls apart. How do you explain that ?

You are not ready for commitment.

All you want is fun and the feeling of having someones attention and when you get what you want, after all the lies you thought you said were true, you had enough and you back out.

How do you miss someone that you haven't even met ? How do you know you love the someone you don't even really understand ? If love is just about holding hands and all the physical stuff, then why love ?

One day you say you are in love, next day you say you are bored, and then after that you said you aren't gonna date anymore, few weeks later, you're in love again. It just doesn't make sense.

The media is portraying love in a wrong way, or we are just not mature enough to understand it. All the "And Everyone Lived Happily Ever After" stories are all just fantasies. It makes a person go "How nice if i'm in love, if anyone would do all this to me, i want a someone that is perfectly perfect"

i say stop dreaming.

It's funny that i say that i'm in love, but i'm blogging about this.

I think only we know how we really feel. And i stand by my feelings.

Ever heard of James Morrison's You Gave Me Something ?

"You Gave Me Something, That Makes Me Scared All Right, This Could Be Nothing, But I'm Willing To Give It A Try"

It means " I like to be with you, but i don't know if i love you, i don't know if i want to be commited yet"

But anyhow, this is complicated.

We all have our own opinions.

Our perspective is different, we are individuals.

Maybe it'll work for some of us.

Maybe it won't.

But to those who are in love, really, appericiate them.

Miracles do happen.

I'm Not Nerd Enough..Nor Cool Enough..

I'm suppose to blog about this few days ago but i had a presentation to prepare.

My presentation was alright. Heard from my friends teacher said i was the best in class. But yea, my class not many speak fluent english. So, it's consider cheating for me.

So anyway, YES, i'm not nerd enough nor cool enough. It is obviously that the class is splitted in to two sections, in fact, it's automatically split in to two sections. First, the N.E.R.D.s and the average kids. As you can see, questions are all answered by the N.E.R.D.s. While the other people just sit and look. If a question is asked, most of us would be asking the N.E.R.D.s help.

AS for me, i'm in the middle, i'm sitting in the middle as well. I'm half of both. People do come to me if they have a question, usually i'll give them the correct answer OR i'll give them a screwed one. Still, i can't look like both sides, or i can ?

I still don't know which side am i in. Or i'm not even in both sides. I'm considered the wierd one. I can't look good, i can't be smart.

=/

I got my result slips.

GPA 3.3333, 2 A's, 1B and C.

It's not that bad i guess. But this semester i'm whacked. Gotta catch up or i'll be dead meat.

Motion City Soundtrack - What about them.

When i first got the album *download* Commit This To Memory, The first track wasn't that bad, the second was my favourite, and on and on, It's Good ! I love punk and alternative. Bands that are not mainstream and doing what they do best. Thats what i call music.

Noel's done it again.

Sometimes i think that i'm mental.

Today i dropped by at Lay Theng's place to pass her some stuffs. It was peak hour, traffic was heavy. If i took a taxi i would be stuck. So , Brilliant NOEL came up with a Brilliant IDEA.

WALK.

So i walked back to the LRT station. At first there were pathways. Well, that shows i'm not that insane. Until i reached the freaking highway. Now u can call me insane. I practically walked on the motorist lane. Risked myself getting killed or rob. And it's like night time ?

It took me about half and hour. I think. The distance would be like, from my place now to Wangsa Maju Jusco, from HSBM to Desa Damai, from inderawasih to somewhere pass Pacific. Not that far right ?

I'm insane.

The last time i did that was worst, i walked from my high school back home, which is one town to another. Triple the distance.

I've downloaded NFS: Carbon.

Verdict: Sucky

I'm not gonna waste my time talking about it here.

Shoon, Wallace and Jason has been chosen to represent Hitz.FM for the AXN Penang Beach Challenge ! Thanks to Shoon who submitted their name.

They left the whole room to me.

BORED !

I must not skip lectures anymore. I have programming assignment, IS assignment and Econs assignment + Swimming assignment.

dead

I was told by Jeremy to not be so negative. Yes, i agree. I shouldn't.

It's slowly making sense, everything is patching up, and i'm going for the final shot.

=)

Off to write a testimonial for Chealene ! *i was forced too*

Signin Off

I look sad in photos, always.

A stupid person is someone who doesn't know what she/he wants or who she/he is.

Amusing

I've been very entertained lately.

Firstly - Tagboard Wars

I've been reading blogs, stumbled into one of a friend.

Seems like she has someone technically verbally assaulted her on her tagboard by calling her names and stuffs.

It's really entertaining actually. This technic is usually used when the abuser is desperate to hit back or he/she is just a nut.

What's the used in saying all those aggresive words about how bitchy someone is or how they look ? Maybe the abuser is just being jealous. He/she can't have what the person haves so they decided to take it out on ?

Poor Mr.Tagboard

I won't be surprise if the TagBoard attacks back one day. =)

Second On The List - Games And Movies

I know i'm a bit far away. Carbon is even out already. But it seems that my eyes are so tired because of this game. I'm at blacklist 3 now *after so long*. Been playing it all day all night. That's entertainment.

Other than that, another game i often play is Fifa 07. Though i'm the one who always get pawned.

As for movies, i watch series actually. My top3 series would be Heroes, Lost and Supernatural.

Thirdly - Tutorials and Assignments

Killing me slowly. But you don't see me working on them. *Yawn*. I have a presentation in two weeks, loads of tutorials. More assignments coming in. Week 4 already.

Fourth - Sleep

I've been having irregular sleeping times all month, maybe that's why i feel sleepy all the time. Night becomes day, day becomes night. Sooner or later i'll die.

Fifth - Music

OooOo ! My favourite songs right now would be

Sugarcult - Majoring in Minors, Shaking
Lin Jun Jie - Down
Relient K - Which to bury ? Us Or The Hatchet ?

Walking around campus with my neeon just doesn't help. It's too noisy to hear anything on my music player. Sigh.

Sixth - Devil Worshipping

I'm worshipping the devil. Wait, i'm in love with the devil. A cute devil, according to the girl.

Lay Theng - cute devil that bites.

Maybe i should edit one of her photos and post it here. =p

Seventh - Demands

Kok Chyuan Demands I Say He Is Great Here.

So,

KOK CHYUAN IS GRAPE !

Gonna sleep.

Thanks for Tuning in..

I miss you..

If your aren't happy, read this ; if you are happy, read it too..

25 ways to stay happy.Something to share. =)

1. Change Your Thinking. Live everday as if it is your last. People who survived a terminal illness or accident, witnessed a tragedy or lost a loved one are said to have a different perspective on life. Many will say that they no longer leave anything untill later. They travel, learn a new skill, contact a friend now. They know - & we should all remember - that there might not be a later.
2. Keep a journal(or blog). Write an ongoing list of good things that happen to you everyday. What was that lovely thing your daughter said to you the other day? You will not remember unless you write it down. Problems can be solved & bad things cleared from your thoughts by writing them down, too. Try it - it works.
3. Get some perspective on things. Think about how you would like to be remembered & what you might tell your grandchildren about your life. Is it really that important that the linen is changed weekly & the floors are kept spotlessly clean? That work meeting last year that meant you missed your child's school concert - does it matter now?
4. Don't let the small stuff bug you. Wasting your energy by getting upset about life's many minor irritations is not worth it. Smile & wave to the driver who won't let you merge into his lane. He's rude & aggresive, & it's his problem. You've missed the train? Fretting is pointless - the train is gone. Enjoy the coffee while you wait for the next one.
5. Do any unpleasant or difficult chores that need doing. Do them NOW! Procrastination drains your energy & burdens your mind. If you are thinking & worrying about something that needs to be done, you might as well be doing it.
6. Change your routine. Life can begin to seem like a bit of a chore if we do the same thing day after day, week after week. We need to create interest in our lives, & to do new things. If you normally sleep in on a Sunday, the "sleep in" is no longer a treat. Why not get up early & have breakfast in the park? You'll beat the crowds & be heading home as they arrive. The day will seem much longer. (Or, for those who never sleep in, arrange it somehow - what a luxury it is!)
7. Don't try to keep up with others. So, your neighbours have a larger home, the latest stereo system, a new car - WHO CARES? Look again. He works on the weekends, & they never seem to see friends. Who's better off, really?
8. Have a big clean out & divest yourself of useless "stuff". Clothes unworn for a year, the dinner service that you've always hated, kitchen utensils that are always in the way but never used, unused linen(you still have cot linen on the shelf & the "baby" is six!), toys, books, furniture - give it all to a charity & you will have helped the poor. The bonus is that your shelves & cupboards are clutter-free now. Housework is eaiser, your vision is clearer & the feng shui of your home is improved.
9. Learn to say no. You don't have to do it. Your life is already too busy & you are running from one thing to another. Give yourself some space to think & time to do something for yourself.
10. Remember to love your partner for who he or she is. Have they really changed so much? Or(think about it!) might he/she actually be the same person that you fell in love with? The relationship might need some work - eveything needs some repair work or maintenance after a few years of running - but the parts should be still in working order.
11. Don't let familiarity breed contempt. Your partner & family deserve at least the same consideration you give your friends. & you deserve the same from them.
12. Tell your partner, family & friends that you love them. Tell them what you love about them. Tell them when they do things well. A little praise never hurts & before you know it you might be told that you've done things will too. You never know.....
13. Are you always a shoulder to lean on for troubled friends? It may be hard, but if their problems are getting to affect you, then you need to try not to be quite so available all the time. They need to address their problems & get on with their lives.
14. Phone, e-mail(write them a testimonial or message them on friendster) even write to some old friends. You've lost touch, but it needn't be for ever. & how long is it since you spoke to your Great Auntie Jean? She'd love to hear from you.
15. Enchance your mood with greenery. Cut some fresh flowers from your garden - or get up early head to the markets & fill your home with loads of cheap flowers, fruit & vegetables. Everyone had pot plants in the 1970s - bring them back! These fill the house with life & vitality.
16. Go to the beach. The long views, the wind, the waves, barefeet in the sand, sun on the back - there is nothing so good for the soul. (My friend Kendra is renewed & invigorated in the same way by a walk on a hill. To each his own.)
17. Create something. Paint, sculpt, sew, bake, garden - ANYTHING!
18. Breathe fresh air. Go outside or open the windows,. Breathe deeply to the bottom of your lungs & feel the stale air leave you.
19. Go for a walk. This gentle exercise will renew & invigorate you physically & mentally on your first outing. Take it up regularly & you'll feel better everyday.
20. Rent a funny video & have a good laugh. Old comedies always do it for me.
21. Move your furniture & ornaments around, change rooms, paint walls. It's true, a change is as good as a holiday.
22. Give yourself something to look forward to. Book a holiday, a night out, a massage.
23. Invite friends over for dinner. Get everyone to dress up, & decorate the room & the table. Greet everyone with cocktails or Champagne, & have music playing. Spend time thinking about & planning the menu, enjoy the shopping & cooking. People can't help but respond positively when you've gone to a lot of effort for them. The night will be good fun. & don't get stressed over cleaning the house beforehand - no-one will even notice.
24. Smile. Smiling is contagious try it & see.
25. Make someone else's day happier. It may sound a bit corny, but why not? Start by suppressing the urge to blast your horn at the slow driver ahead. Or you could make a positive move by volunteering your time for a charity.

There u go, all 24+1 of them, thanks to jeremy. It's actually from readers digest. I think i read b4. It's really some good advice.

"You Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don't Take." - Wayne Gretsky,NHL player.

This quote is so freaking true. If you don't do it, you get nothing. I encounter this situation a lot of times in life, even now. I have a chance to do something but i don't cause i'm afraid and embarrased. Eugene told me that we have to take risks to achieve something. And if you don't, you'll have nothing. Don't go waiting on for money to fall, or love to come, or good grades to score. We have to start taking chances and risks to do that something we have been given an opportunity to do.

Until then..

Love

Warning *I may be naive, and not making sense here*

This entry goes out to my friend, Lay Theng, and people who had lost hope in love.

"Love is like the sunshine; no matter how tightly you shut down your heart, the sunlight will find a way to shine into it. Love’s process is unstoppable." - Nurmuhemmet Yasin

Love, is a magical thing. There maybe no such thing as eternal love, but as close as it gets, there is such thing as true love. I believe that at this age, 18, the chapters of love starts to unfold (a lil dramatic, lol) . Love is like life, a process of learning. No, it's a part of life. Love comes in many different ways. A person can have many loves, but each experience will be different from the next. As we fall down, we pick up ourselves, move on, and learn from our mistakes. But usually, it takes time to get up again once hurt.

It all starts from the first step, the first love. People give a 100% in the first relationship, there you can see the hopes of eternal love, imature, after failing, the pain is unbearable, and people, once bitten twice shy, they will not allow themselves to open up anymore. But what I must say, that if you are afraid of getting hurt then you will never truly enjoy life. Love is serious, but also not at all. When you are too serious you limit yourself. Trusting your heart and simply having the courage to love, goes a long way.

" Have faith in who you love and love itself, chances are it'll last. " - someone

I've been there, done that. I've been hurt, i've hurt others, i've been cruel. i too developed a fear. It's hard to believe that love still comes around. And i met this girl, she made my heart skipped a beat, when i see her, i get butterflies in my stomach, and my mind just goes blank. She's such an angel. But with that fear i had, i think too much, i became paranoid, and maybe, i freaked her out. I wanted to reach out badly, and i took things seriously at times, i was naive, at the end, i was scared.

Surrender it to god, the lord's miracles work in many ways and i realize. I've been stupid but now, i saw through the fog that has been clouding my vision. I didn't have self confidence, there's no courage in me. So, back to basics, start all over again and this time, i learnt from my mistakes. That's what Ai Khim told me, people make mistakes, it's whether you dare to admit it and change, or just don't give a damn.

We are not perfect, so is love. Love isn't loving the perfect person, but loving the inperfect person perfectly ! People make mistakes. To have true love needs patience, trust, honesty and having faith in each other and love itself.

A piece of advice,

"Don’t waste your precious time trying to define the meaning of love. The best definition is already in your own heart and mind.” - Nurmuhemmet Yasin

How could a geek understand all this ? Not to say i'm in love. lol. Pardon me if i don't make sense, it's just my thoughts. Most probably what i just typed are all crap.

thoughts

I've thought about god, where is god? is he real? Why do we believe in him ?

Surrender it to god, if nothing goes your way, he will lead the way, but has it ever occured to us that, god is merely a word, just like an excuse

"Aiya, god knows la"
"Let god decide"

Common, what we have now in life, is in our own hands, money doesn't come from above, we handle our own lifes, we have to work to get what we want.

And we say, god loves us, and will protect us from all evil.

But why is there still pain, hatred, evil? Evil is still lurking, we have all kinds of cases everyday, people that sin, deaths, war,terrible things happen in this world, starvation,sickness,if god was almighty, why didn't he stop all this from happening ?

whenever i face a problem, people always tell me, surrender to god and see how it goes, some times i believed more in the supernatural than god. It's surreal. When we surrender to god, doesn't it means that we give up ?

I know i'm not really a religious kinda person, i do believe in god, but for the past few years, i lose faith, i feel the real world is where we are living in. We have to fight to stay on top, no more the idealist world.

and then, i came upon this book,

to an individual:

If you had children, you would love him/her, you would do everything you can to protect them from danger, to prevent pain in his life. But would you let him ride a skateboard ? ride a bike? and when they grow up, would you let them drive a car, or maybe go to clubs ? Of course as a parent you would hestitate, but let them go and also advice them and telling them to be careful.

So as a parent, you would just give your child some basic, good advices and let them run along and make ther own mistakes ? You wouldn't expect to be around them all the time and catch them everyime they fall. And if this child made a mistake, maybe he fell from his skateboard, he would learned to be more careful right ?

So what we see, is god have the power to intefere and prevent mankind's pain, but choose to show his love by letting man learn our own lessons. Cause pain is part of growing up, and thats how we learn. Thats how we get through. We fall, and we pick ourselves up. God is always there to guide us. It's only whether we realize it or not.

I still believe god is looking, watching our every move.

fictions do make a point.

sometimes i miss you, but then i fall hard

follow

Life is all about following ? routines ? scheduels ? same ol thing ? think again.

I read an entry of my friend, Jeremy's blog.

"Ever wondered why your life is so routine? Its cause you want it to be routine...you never wanna try anything new & exciting. You just rather stick to your own li'l schedule & be safe. I seriously pity fools like that.Everyday their just sitting their at their desk...typing...sending
e-mails...picking up so called "important" calls...talking to "important" people...their just oh so boring. Everyone should just stand up...lift their fat asses up & do something new. And if you don't like it...don't do it again...go try something else new. Heck, who cares what you wanna do...fuck a dog, fuck a cat, have an orgy, rob someone, eat scorpions & spiders, pray to satan...Whatever...I encourage you to get up & stop being so boring"

So, for people who think that life is boring, maybe you should just stand up and do something new. And thanks to Jeremy for that piece of advice. lol, if you happen to read this.

I used to think that life is seriously just a routined, i still think that way, sometimes we just gotta be a lil different. It's just the same in a relationship, things will get routined sooner than you think, after all the lovey dovey periods, you think it's just call, hug, kiss, hang out, whatever couples do. Relationships are like a bottle of water, when the water is almost empty, we gotta refill it. Maybe thats what happened to my past relationships, i did not bother to refill the bottle. I'm dead boring. My thinking is direct, follow the rules.

I guess it's the start of a new revolution . lol

First Paper tomorrow, IT.

I'm just being myself.

"Love is not what pulls you down, it's what lifts you up"

addiction

At this moment i just have so many things flowing through my mind. I just can't stop thinking until now i'm just so confuse about everything. As they say, everything happens for a reason. Still, aren't we in control of what is going to happen to us ? And if we are in control, we know the reason, but still why it doesn't goes the way we want it to be ?? Sometimes i feel my life is seriously fucked up, or maybe i'm just thinking too much.

I'm missing something, the puzzle that puts it all together. Sometimes, things just come and go that we don't tend to realize it's importance. Life just past by too fast, i need to stop for a moment to figure out where i am at this moment. Or i'll fall to pieces in no time.

For some reason, i feel no matter where i am, back in penang or here in KL. It's still the same. Even with or without friends. It wouldn't change. My hearts turning into stone. I'm slowly turning into a zombie, or a robot, stuck in a cycle that never ends. There is no more emotions, though i'm kinda emo now.. Everything is just the same to me. I enjoy life, totally, but at some parts, it's just meaningless. Is this the potrait of a faithless person? i guess it is.

Maybe i will change, maybe something will change me. An impact in my life. For now i know, my family is my life, i'm glad i have some good friends. Hope things would get better soon.

-emo kid

Another day in life, Another chapter to be revealed